Seven facts about ladies that you didn’t know

Wasn’t it ladies day? Yeah it was. But it wasn’t judge women and be a dick day either, your calendar is all wrong, Daily Mail. Their article about the event takes a focus on people who are having a bit of fun or showing a bit of boob – even though I am sure there were a wide variety of racegoers. But the ones they did focus on, they weren’t impressed with those  particular ‘ladies’ attending at Ainstree, describing them as “glamourless” because “weariness got the better of them” – this article can be found in the ‘femail’ section because women need their own special news for their tiny brains. 

As there seems to be some confusion about what a lady is and how one should behave, I have compiled a list of a few facts some people may need to be aware of:

SOMETIMES AN ARSE WILL ACCIDENTALLY SHOW WHEN THEY BEND DOWN BUT THEY DON’T EXPECT PEOPLE TO TAKE A PICTURE

Images of ladies -yep still ladies- bent down, sprawled the internet at the Merseyside course. It is a crazy thing that occurs but when you bend down, sometimes the material of the clothing doesn’t quite cover your bottom, absolute phenomenon. Many women are described as ‘flashing’ but the only one flashing is the photographer. When you move around, it doesn’t quite occur to you that a huge lens will be accompanying its way down to your dress or up your skirt, that’s not flashing, that’s someone taking a picture of you in an angle that forces a flash. And even if you were flashing, it’s fucking hilarious when Steve-o shows his bare arse, so let’s give it up for Cheryl too.

TACTICAL NAPS DON’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON, JUST A TIRED ONE

We’ve all been there, drank a little too much, danced a little too hard or maybe just humanly-duties have led you to feeling a little tired. But being sleepy, drunk, sober or even dead actually doesn’t make you less of person -unless the dead option-, or a lady, just a tired one.

FUN ISN’T A MALFUNCTION

I wonder if the photographer actually said ‘ooopss!!’ when they took the picture? If you’re having a laugh and that weird thing called skin shows, or make-up smudges, or you fall over, or you accidentally bend the corners of your mouth upwards – IT IS NOT A MALFUNCTION, IT IS JUST SOMEONE LIVING THEIR LIFE, EVEN A LADY.

YOU CAN DO WORSE THINGS THAN DRINK FROM A BOTTLE

I like to call these people time-savers, maybe even environmentalists, plastic cups aren’t great for our lovely little world. Drinking from the bottle has been described as a pure sin, I think there are other things to worry about. You can still be a lady with your mouth around a bottle instead of a cup, think of the dolphins.

SITTING DOWN ON THE FLOOR AND TAKING YOUR HEELS OFF IS NOT A CRIMINAL OFFENCE

Studies show that wearing heels and just general standing around is not as comfortable as sitting on a floor. A lady is not immune to this.

ALCOHOL SHOULDN’T ALWAYS BE DESCRIBED AS GETTING ‘THE BETTER OF SOMEONE’, SOMETIMES IT GETS THE BEST OUT OF THEM

Alcohol is not the route to all fun – but it’s pretty much a guided busway – and it’s quite offensive when you’ve had a top night for a writer to say it got ‘the better of them’ just because they opted for some cheesy chips on the side of a curb and had a glass or twelve of champagne.

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU HAVE BIG BOOBS

Some women are born with large boobs. Another crazy, shocking, wild fact, I know. This means that some outfits, show your boobs – because they are big. And this can make the fleshy-friends difficult to control, it’s not ‘racy’ it’s just a human body. And besides, big boobs, no boobs, man-boobs, YOU DO YOU – last time I checked ‘daring’ is cancelling a recording on someone else’s TV, not showing your cleavage.

I hope this was super educational. Ladies have fun too, deal with it.

 

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