IF EX-BOYFRIENDS WERE FOOTBALL TEAMS

Football teams, they create their own specific personality, you hate some, you love one and you forget about some, much like ex-boyfriends.

Chelsea – this was your super popular boyfriend in secondary school, he had the nice car and a pretty good reputation. He was really wealthy and you had a lot of meals at his house that you could barely pronounce. But he was always too posh to make a noise when he climaxed.

Tottenham – the boy who was a bit boring and bottled it when it mattered most. What about that date that never happened? He was always in competition with your last boyfriend and he forever felt like he was second best to him. Your relationship could have really kicked off if he found the confidence and got over your arsenal of an ex.

Manchester City – he took you on all the best dates but deep down you know that all he had was money. There was never any real chemistry between the two of you and he really was just trying to buy your affection.

Liverpool – this was the boyfriend you had an incredible amount of passion with and everyone wanted what you had. But nowadays he’s a middle-aged man who can only talk about the hot girls he used to date, he had a great track record of girlfriends and he never lets anyone forget about it – especially his uglier twin, Everton.

Arsenal – the boy who shows all the signs of being great and then lets you down. He promises to buy you flowers but thinks you don’t need them, even though it really would improve your relationship. But his lack of effort doesn’t stop you going back, maybe he’s changed? Maybe it’ll be different this time? But no matter how long you leave it, every time you see them, they always appear to be exactly the same, even the fourth time around.

Leicester City – the boy who suddenly got fit and had everything going for him. This is the shock story from school, he’s the guy no one really knew about. But you were nice to him and you believed in him, then against all odds he turned out to be the best boyfriend you’ve had this season.  Of course you had your doubts though, is this just the honeymoon phase, or is it the real thing?

 

Manchester United –  this was the really good looking ex but he had a massive inferiority complex. He was constantly comparing you to his mates girlfriends and worrying that his mates were actually better looking than him. You had no time for this ex and you just wish he would focus on your relationship but instead he spent his time sizing himself up against the other guys.

Southampton -He was the boyfriend before the real boyfriend.  This is the boyfriend you were too good for, you had a great relationship at the start but you know you needed to move on to better things, a lot of his ex’s did the same and you were no exception.

West Ham United – he was a pretty cool guy, he had his flaws but he’s beginning to show you he’s bettering himself. Although you really wish he’d stop showing off about his new house.

Stoke City– you got on really well and you had your moments but there was never any real spark between you two. He’s had a lot of girlfriends who tried to take control before but that didn’t make him any less boring.

Crystal Palace – The ugly boyfriend you dated, he was alright and his name was pretty cool. But let’s face it, his parents were the rich ones and he never had any real ambition of his own.

Swansea City – that boyfriend you just completely forgot you ever went out with.

Watford – the boyfriend you never even meant to date. He became a bit of a stalker and he really ought to go back to his own group of friends.

West Bromwich Albion – The unfaithful boyfriend. You even caught him outside QPR‘s house and you still took him back. There’s always been something about him even though he lets you down every single time.

Bournemouth – your most unattractive boyfriend, others would stare at him wondering how on earth he got with you and you found yourself wondering the exact same thing. 

Sunderland – The boy with the overpowering father and no matter how much you try and have a quiet night at his house, his dad was always trying to get involved and desperately attempting to be your friend.

Newcastle United – he was the ex that seemed to have everything, the looks, clothes, car but there was something about his face, something that made you want to punch it. But it’s a weird shame things didn’t work out between you guys.

Norwich City– the roller-coaster relationship, you let go and he keeps texting you as soon as you forget about him but it’s not long before you completely forget about him because there’s really no future.

Aston Villa –  He’s the boy who seems to think he doesn’t have to try at all and all the girls will come flocking like a Lynx Africa advert, even though they never did. You had a steady and safe relationship for a while, nothing too wild but you were comfortable. But then all of a sudden he takes a gap year to the other side of the world and you’re on a break.  

With a new season ahead, which ex-boyfriend has a chance to make it back into your league?

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