When you have blonde hair you appear to take on a blonde personality too. Apparently we’re great fun (that’s true) but there’s also many struggles that come with being a blonde and that’s not just the assumption we know how to bend and snap.
Addicted to being blonder. This is definitely a thing, you get some highlights and you love it. You then get more and more highlights. And soon you look like Draco Malfoy – without the wizardry, just very dry and damaged hair.
Sick of stereotyping – ‘practice on a blonde and marry a brunette’, LET’S GET SOME HAIR EQUALITY UP IN HERE. They’re the idiot if they use hair colour to decide their life choices, not the blondes. And let’s face it, the real hilarity is how many blondes does it take to laugh at their shit jokes?
Being aligned as the bitch in every film *except Reese Witherspoon and Kate Hudson, these ladies were a step towards a blonde revolution.* If you’re blonde, you’re suddenly the bleach bitch. Your hair is porous and your personality resembles that of a homeware employee. Only sweet and innocent non-blondes get the happy ending. The blondes are the mistake, the cheaters and have a prominent ‘slut’ tag.
YOU ARE NOT DUMB. Some blondes are girly, some aren’t but either way your hair colour doesn’t determine your intelligence. The fact you’re compared to Legally Blonde if you’re a ‘smart blonde’ speaks volumes as other hair types are simply called smart. And their errors are called ‘mistakes’ not ‘blonde moments.’ Keep your dumb-blonde banter to yourself, my hair is brighter than your future.
Maintenance. Purple shampoo, silver shampoo and gallons of conditioner. The list goes on. Being a blonde requires effort and determination since the age of 12+ or whenever you decided to go towards the lighter side of life. It’s not easy but there’s nothing quite like fresh blonde locks and clean roots.
Getting your hair done. There’s a certain paranoia that your hair is yellow, ginger or green. There’s nothing wrong with those colours but when you want to be blonde, you want BLONDE. And there’s nothing more heartbreaking than still seeing roots…HAHA what did you pay for. But it is a real treat when it gets super sunny and you get a free half-head of highlights.
Changing hair colours. If you were born a blonde there’s an inevitable curiosity to go any other colour, especially brunette. It’s a tremendous change, suddenly your make-up is too pale, your clothes don’t match and you really aren’t as happy – despite being told by seven people you look more natural – even if this isn’t your natural hair colour. Never again will you be anything other than blonde, curiosity killed the cat and the blonde population.
“Are you a natural blonde.” It’s really annoying to be asked if you’re fake and so what if you are. People also don’t seem to understand that you can be a natural blonde and still have roots, educate your blonde awareness then come back to me pal. The fakery of your blonde should not be such a common question. Your gleaming hair may just be completely natural or you may be able to disinfect a toilet with this level of bleach, either way it’s none of their business.
So maybe us blondes can execute the perfect bend and snap but we have brains too and extremely high conditioner expenses.