How to get over THAT guy

 

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Everyone is guilty of chasing something that’s definitely not going to work and therefore getting over it as quickly as possible is crucial. So, I’m going to try to help you by using real words, nothing scientific or psychological just a very experienced best-friend to a lot of sad girls.

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Focus on an imperfection. The sooner you realise he’s not actually perfect (because no one is) the better. He’s got a big head? Big head is all you see now. Maybe one nostril is bigger than the other?  You’re way too good for him. He sounds like a horse when he laughs? Bye bye horse-boy. It’s shallow, I know, but thinking of the boy you like as a big-headed-unequally-portioned-nostril-horse-boy is MUCH easier to deal with.

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Stop stalking. This is about the first thing every girl will do when things end/ he gets with someone else and it is literally a self poisoning technique. You’ll be on her Facebook photos with a quivering mouth hoping to God he didn’t like her most recent profile picture and heaven forbid his Mum didn’t comment on the apparent ‘cuteness’. You’ll be on his Twitter hoping he hasn’t written a cute indirect and searching through his likes gritting your teeth every time you see her name. Who cares if she looked a bit ugly five years ago or her tweets are a bit cringe, she has him now and you don’t – brutal but true, sorry. The point is, when you’ve been stalking WHEN have you ever felt happier? Never, you haven’t, you’ve just made yourself sad and screenshotted it to your friends, and you’re not helping yourself, so stop it.

Romantic comedies. Okay, they are bloody brilliant let me get that out of the way first and they’re great to watch when you are NOT in an emotional state. But whilst you align yourself with Bridget Jones and laugh how much you’re like her, in all her massive pant glory, she gets a happy ending and you didn’t. Hugh Grant isn’t about to come knocking on your door to tell you he messed up. The credits will roll and you’ll be sat in silence wrapped in a blanket wearing nothing but an oversized ice-cream stained pyjama top. In the very early stages you have to allow yourself to cry, watch all the shitty films and eat all the food but don’t over do it. It’ll make you bitter, watch Jeremy Kyle, a superior audience position is what you need right now. Not Sandra Bullocks fantastic legs and the perfect love story to compliment them.

Go out. It may be the last thing you feel like doing because right now nothing feels more appealing than going to bed early and listening to your tragic yet brilliant ‘sleep’ playlist. If anything going out will make you realise there are literally so many other guys out there and you’ll probably get chatted up by a selection of them and turn some down. If you wanted someone, you really could but chances are the guy shuffling his way over to you whilst flashing his cash is a bit of a dick. Have fun with your friends, dance and feel empowered that you are being approached by other men but they’re just not the one for you and neither is the one you’re crying over.

Music. Taylor Swift and Adele are just two people who feel the same as you, don’t join their pity party, they literally make money out of people like you, don’t let them. Their lyrics will bring back memories and make you sad. Not even Beyoncé is there for you, that bitch sang about single ladies with a ring on her finger and who knows who she was talking about in Lemonade but last time I checked she’s still married. Do you know who is there for you? Big Sean, Big Sean is there for you. “I Don’t Fuck With You” will make you feel better than any Taylor swift song, even her 2011 stuff. Other recommendations include: Aluna George – Attracting flies; Fuck You – Lilly Allen; You Don’t Own Me – Grace ft G-Eazy. A sassy playlist will transform your mentality, be careful about listening to it whilst you’re walking though, you’re not actually part of N.W.A.

You’ll be fine, you just think and care a bit too much when chances are you’re brilliant. And believe it or not one day you’ll make someone as happy as Ross when Rachel gets off the plane.

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